Hygienists, Scalpels, And Gums, Oh My!

Today i went to the dentist’s office for my monthly (more or less) check up. Everything was going normal till i got there. That’s when i saw that the hygienist i usually get checked by wasn’t there. Turns out she relocated to an office in Cleveland. I was very sad, because unlike most doctors, i actually LIKED my hygienist. I thought to myself, “Oh well…. A hygienist is a hygienist, right?” Wrong. I went to the torture chair they make you sit in at the dentist and relaxed, waiting for my new hygienist to come. And in walks Satan. She bends back the chair till i’m exceedingly uncomfortable, and starts poking me repeatedly with her Pitchfork (a.k.a, scalpel). She then precedes to tell me that i need to brush my gums better because they’re bleeding. Well DUH! That’s what tends to happen when you poke them repeatedly! Don’t need a stinkin’ degree to know that ya’ idiot! But i kept my cool. “Ok…” i said, dreading the rest of the appointment.

She then told me to open my mouth. I obeyed, being the one without the sharp thingiemajig. I was rudely squirted with water i wasn’t prepared for. Having the catlike reflexes that i do, i quickly slammed my mouth closed. Not one of my better ideas… Water kept squirting me. But this time, instead of going in my mouth, it went all over my face, and shirt. “Look what you did!” she said. “Sorry” i replied. After Satan was done touching my face she told me i could go. (Thank god)!

I went to get something out of the toy box, and she stared at me. I think she was making sure i didn’t take more than one thing. I don’t really know how to close up this post, so i’m going to try something new…


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